“We’ve dropped the ball for the Democratic Party for years, and now these DSA candidates are going to get all the credit for not doing anything meaningful, it’s not right. We should be the ones not doing anything meaningful!”

It’s true, the establishment Democrats have been ineffective in enacting real change, with only minor success in federal and state policy, while promising sweeping changes. Candidates associated with the DSA have seek to shift economic and political power from corporations and wealthy owners to workers and the public, as well as stop military funding to Israel. “If the DSA steers the Democratic party toward identity politics, isolationism, and hostility to capitalism, they’ll be setting up the American public for even more disappointment than previous administrations.”

Democrats have long been the party of failure, never living up to the promises made. Obama era millennials may remember the slogan “Hope,” but what voters found out was hoping for more drone strikes with civilian casualties. Obama also promised change, but ended up continuing to do what all politicians do, staying the course with little to no action. The Biden administration promised to increase the Federal Minimum Wage to $15, but some centrist Democrats strategically vetoed the amendment. One advocate of the DSA had this to say, “For far too long have center-left politicians been our party’s backbone for failing to further any progress, we need a changing of the guard, so we can show how ineffectual DSA representatives can be when thrust into our broken American government.”

Its not always the fault of the elected officials, the system is designed to restrict major sweeping changes. Some may look toward Mamdani, the DSA aligned mayor, who has begun to enact policies that he promised. But will it last? Probably not, it will likely be undone by the next mayor or meet roadblocks put up by those who oppose his policies (the billionaire class).

Dissatisfaction is not exclusive to the Democratic party, Republicans and other far-right movements have not yet been able to live up to their agenda. “We advertise big and splashy policy changes like stopping minorities from voting, and gutting all social services from the working class. We swing for the fences so that our most ardent supporters can feel the sting of disappointment usually reserved for the left.” Trump supporters have been left with smaller letdowns like involvement in foreign wars, spiking gas prices, and an incomplete border wall.

The DSA stated, “We are excited that the American people are choosing progressive candidates, we hope that they continue to choose us when we become a mainstay in politics and fail to meet expectations.”

Subscribe now

Even within each specific hate group, there does not seem to be a consensus on who to prioritize their contempt. One camp favors the tried and true, well established anti-semitism. The Jewish people have a long history of being persecuted, and have lasting conspiracy theories to their name. The new kids on the block, Muslims, don’t have the Rothchild’s gravitas, but they have been swift in gaining followers starting in the 7th century leading to the Islamic Golden Age and “threaten” Western values. Jews have 2000 years more of experience with intolerance on the Muslims, but Islam has the second most practitioners worldwide. It has become quite a dilemma for these white radical traditionalists.

The solution to the problem seems obvious, but remains outside the power of these xenophobes. A growing fraction have turned to advocating for a two-state solution, and, ideally, an alliance between Muslims and Jews. “It would be easier for us to hate them as a collective; just the whole Middle East in general as a threat to the white ethnostate. Instead we have to pick and choose our battles on where to delegate our animosity the most.”

If you find their proposed solution progressive, it’s not the first time white supremacists have been mistaken for being compassionate. “Liberals keep congratulating us on a measured response to a complicated situation, and we are getting tired of their sympathy.” The Aryan Brotherhood, a designated hate group gang by the SPLC, has been vocal about opposing American slavery. “It never should have happened, it’s a shame. We should have never brought the negroes over here so they could facilitate racial mixing and dilute pure white blood.”

White supremacists have a lot of pressing issues to worry about. Illegal immigration is the newest trendy topic of discussion for Neo-Nazis. They have come forward in support of illegal immigration to the United States. “They’re all coming here anyway, at least if they come illegally it’s easier to deport them. I wish they would all immigrate here by whatever means necessary and bypass all the red tape and bureaucracy holding up legal migration.”

At the latest white nationalist quorum, Enrique Tarrio, the leader of the Proud Boys, gave a closing statement met with roaring applause:

“White culture is being conquered by Muslims. Jews control the media. Immigrants are corrupting American society. I wish all these minority groups could put aside their differences and come together in unity, that way we could more easily direct our hostility toward one single enemy. I just wish they could all get along.”

Subscribe now

Hunter seems to have a lot to say. He’s been interviewed and featured on several podcasts and has turned to social media to call out the current Trump administration, economic inequality, and the Palestinian genocide. He has discovered that each post provides a dopamine kick that rivals even the purest cocaine. He states that he was 7 years sober, but has unfortunately relapsed, trading in his crack pipe for a keyboard. He is quoted saying, “It’s the best I’ve ever felt! 800 thousand followers, constant likes and retweets; crack and prostitutes at the Super 8 Motel off the I-95 can’t even begin to compare.” Hunter started small, an initial tweet promoting an interview he did with Candance Owens. But like any fatal addiction, it quickly spiraled out of control. He increased his intake, replying to users with platitudes like, “Thanks,” “Exactly,” and “That’s a bold-faced lie,” before turning to paragraph-long refutes to any critic that turned up in his mentions. Hunter has lost control and is riding the high of social media clout. Those around Hunter have shared their fears: “We’re worried he will go on another bender, sequester himself away in a basement with his phone and charger, deprived of daylight for weeks in his Twitter opium den.”

Experts have weighed in on Hunter’s current battle with Twitter use. “Twitter is one of the worst social media addictions to have. The Instagram and TikTok experience is mindless scrolling of videos and reels, inducing a passive, zombie-like state. Twitter, however, activates a part of the brain that compels users to compulsively state their beliefs while simultaneously restricting the neurons that control introspection. In short, it makes you digitally yell every thought and opinion that crosses your mind.” If you’ve ever been exposed to someone chronically online, you have witnessed how being perpetually outraged and ragebaited can destroy lives. As more people fall victim to Twitter-brain, we are forced to wait for science to catch up and find a solution, we are told that the best AI agents are currently working on a cure (they have temporarily paused their research into cancer for a more important issue).

Sources close to Hunter Biden have stated that his screen time is up to 17 hours a day (numbers rivaled only by the likes of Taylor Lorenz), and when his loved ones forcibly removed the phone from his death grip and stored it in a secured vault to make him quit cold turkey, Hunter sprinted to the nearest Apple Store to login and post from the display computers. He utilized the built-in camera of the laptops to record a video of himself on a tirade, ranting about how Trump started the conflict with Iran to distract the American population from the Epstein files. The Trump administration declined to comment on the accusations, but added: “Don’t believe crack heads.”

As for Hunter’s addiction, we are hoping for a swift recovery. His father, Joe Biden, indicated that he has put parental controls on the 56 year old’s phone in hopes that it will wean him off his Twitter use. That might prove ineffective, as Hunter sightings have been recently reported at local libraries. We can assume that Hunter has been getting his fix at public computers and only using his allotted screen time while the libraries are closed. Some have suggested switching Hunter over to BlueSky (the methadone of Twitter), but data shows a high likelyhood of recidivism. More drastic measures might eventually need to be taken, like changing his passwords or having him go outside.

Subscribe now

Millennials are the first generation to do worse financially than previous generations, but not the last. Gen Z, like Millennials, have not been blessed with wage growth and are being squeezed for disposable income. But their spending habits are different than their Millennial elders. They are dropping lots of cash on food delivery, they are splurging on the small luxuries because they want to treat themselves, but they can’t afford much. Many economists, such as Kevin O’Leary, have suggested that instead of superfluous spending on DoorDash they should instead invest in index funds; that way more capital can go to businesses and by the time Gen Z are retired they’ll be able to afford a modest home—just as long as they don’t all put out of the stock market all at once and cause a crash. However, if they were to invest, that would cause a loss in profits for the food delivery industry which has been steadily growing, and would, of course, hurt the private sector.

Gen Z has had difficulty entering into the labor market, corporations are looking to streamline production and are turning to automation for many jobs, this helps to keep costs down for consumers, who need to be buying more. Instead, Gen Z are living with their parents, stagnating spending on housing, transportation and food (they are simultaneously not spending enough on food and spending too much on food delivery). Shareholders, investors, and corporations are doing everything they can to continue economic growth and increase corporate profits: utilizing layoffs, stretching worker responsibilities, and curtailing wage increases. Even with all the hard work being done by job creators, Gen Z continue to have high unemployment numbers, they mismanage their meager finances, and are too scared to live with crippling debt for the rest of their lives.

A decade ago, one millionaire told Millennials they needed to stop buying avocado toast if they wanted to be home owners, and some have adhered to that directive. They were late to be home owners compared to previous generations, but as of 2025, 55% of them now own single family homes. And though they have high mortgages, they’ve been able to not completely kill the housing market and miraculously keep avocado toast on restaurant menus. Economists are perplexed at how Millennials have managed to keep the economy afloat, despite their lack of funds. Financial experts are at a loss for how to advise Gen Z given the example of Millennials, but know for certain they need to be spending more, saving more, and making more money. It may sound simple, but experts still don’t know what’s stopping this new generation. If Gen Z can stop ordering food delivery and start working a second part time job (like delivering for DoorDash), hopefully they can step up to start saving to buy their own homes while also increasing their spending. Investors can’t handle waiting much longer for their projects to yield profits, as they need more money to invest in burgeoning industries like the AI bubble and smart glasses. But Gen Z still seem bent on trying to destroy the economy.

After his foray on X (formerly Twitter), he logged onto Instagram, where his favorite model/influencer (or influencer/model), Sally Fae, had posted a new story. Delighted at the prospect of seeing a beautiful woman, he opened the Story, only to be disappointed that it was not a selfie, but in fact a picturesque landscape she had taken on her hike. Rossum had no interest in nature or of hikes. Crestfallen at the absence of his online crush, he thought about writing something saccharine in hopes she might notice his post; but upon viewing the public comments, “less tress more titties” was scrawled at the top by BigBob. Rossum instinctively went to scold BigBob for his misogynist comment, hoping to charm Sally Fae. He hastily drafted a paragraph detailing how problematic and rude BigBob’s comment was, but thought twice before hitting Enter. He concluded that Sally Fae was a strong and independent woman, capable of speaking for herself, and that she didn’t need him defiantly coming to her aid online. He deleted the comment and held a moment of satisfaction with his use of restraint and dignity.

Lastly, Rossum opened the app TikTok. Going through the routine of aimlessly scrolling past a litany of videos that would rot zombie brains, an odd post caught his eye; it seemed to be recorded in the style of a 90’s camcorder by user Sandra O’Malley. It was an AI generated montage of performers morphing and transforming into different beasts. It had the caption, “Shapeshifters have existed among us for years!” Laughing that this was certainly satire, Rossum went to read other reactions, only to find that Sandra was serious. The top comment was by the creator, “I don’t care how many times you people or chatGPT tell me this is fake I KNOW IT’S REAL!!!” The most liked reply read, “seek help”. A vast number of commenters seemed to agree with the creator though, one wrote, “I’ve known they are real too, my mother used to work for a wealthy family that held parties where the shapeshifters would display their powers, I think they’re related to demons and Satanology.” In disbelief, Rossum knew he would not be able to change the minds of these conspiracy theorists, would come across as sanctimonious and only bolster their beliefs. Dejected that these people either lived in psychosis or existed in utter stupidity, he had no ounce of energy left to post his refutation.

In the end, however, Rossum was satisfied with his silence for the day, but wanted validation and acknowledgement for his discipline online. In a world filled with digital pandemonium, how was he to be credited for keeping space open for marginalized and more important voices than his own? How could his noble bravery be communicated to the public? Proud, yet morose, he carried on with his day; the world ignorant to his courageous dedication to passivity.

Joni’s boyfriend, Tom, is like any other 35 year old man: he plays video games, gets excessively drunk, is immature to a fault, and completely dependent on Joni for all his emotional needs. Tom, of course, does not understand his problems, and most likely never will. He has no drive to better himself, no interest in therapy, ignorant to all of Joni’s efforts, and is too developmentally stunted to realize any of this. He loves Joni, but does not truly understand how to love, despite Joni trying her best to communicate her needs and boundaries.

This relationship has become all too familiar for many women, and has them wondering why they can’t seem to find better partners, which has caused many of them to blame the moon, Mercury in retrograde, metaphysics, or all three. In Joni’s case she reasoned it was due to sins she committed in a past life.

“I just can’t understand why I feel a need to take care of Tom, it’s a driving force beyond my comprehension, a compulsion so deep that I no longer see him having any flaws. My friends tell me all the ways he’s problematic, all the red flags, and when I hear them objectively I know it to be true; but when I think of Tom, I can’t help but know I need to be with him, to take care of him, and love him.”

“I’ve been having sessions with a local witch to try and better understand my predicament, and what she sees in my soul is that I must have done some pretty heinous acts in my previous incarnations. Truly abhorrent behavior. The witch said that being drawn to Tom is a cosmological ontology to atone for the wickedness I have committed before being reborn in this life.”

Many women we reached out to on Reddit’s /r/relationshipadvice voiced similar situations. They often stated that the only reason they continue to love the men that they do, is that God or a force in the universe must be conspiring against them for the atrocities and horrors they’ve afflicted upon this world.

“Loving Tom being predetermined by fate is a truth I can understand, and one that I have come to accept. I know now what I’m suppose to do in this life. I’m just waiting for him to propose.”

Reporters noted the outline of Trump’s erection in his pants and his wide eyes admiring Mamdani. This relationship has the public puzzled, but sources inside the Trump administration may shed some new light on these peculiar meetings.

Trump is rumored to have lost his keys during his most recent trip to Mar-a-Lago. Sources close to Trump’s administration have suggested his recent praise and support for Mamdani are due to his upcoming stay in New York City. Insiders indicate that Trump is fearful he will not be able to enter his penthouse suite at the top of the titular Trump Tower in Midtown Manhattan, and is rubbing elbows with Mamdani in hopes to receive the ceremonial honor of The Big Apple’s Key to the City, which he is expected to attempt pragmatic uses of the award, undeterred by skeptics who say, “the Key won’t fit into any locks.”

The purely symbolic Key holds no functionality, and though presidential aides have tried to explain this to Trump, he remains adamant that the ornamental “skeleton key” will magically open any door in the city, from Katz’s Delicatessen, to the Statue of Liberty, and even to his favorite gentleman’s club at 9am.

Trump remains hopeful, even with the little time he has left before his stay in NYC, and has gone on the record saying, “I left them in the sand trap at hole 4,” though no search parties have yet recovered his missing keys, and added “the desk drawer where I keep my stockpile of Filet-O-Fishes is starting to smell.”

We spoke to an anonymous OnlyFans creator who wished to keep her name private due to concerns those close to her might discover her comedy routines before she is ready. She said, “I had been considering doing comedy for awhile; many of the other working girls I know have gotten into it and I saw how much money they were making. It was scary putting myself out there, but once people were laughing, they started complimenting me saying, ‘you’re so funny, your bits are driving me WILD,’ or ‘these jokes are beautiful, I’d do anything to hear a solo set.’ When you hear stuff like that you can’t help but feel good about yourself; and I think a lot my audience who knew me from sex work wanted to know more about me or feel closer to me. They seem to crave to know more about my personal life and my inner psychology, even if that connection is artificial.”

We spoke to one man, Curtis Stone, who was skeptical of this diversification in the lives of sex workers. He stated, “I’m not sure why we should be interested in their personalities. It’s one thing to post topless photos of yourself on the internet, but it’s a whole nother thing to tell the public about your private thoughts and feelings. I just don’t know why they feel like they have to whore themselves out like that.” When asked if he would be attending any stand-up sets of OnlyFans creators he followed he said, “Oh, absolutely, I want to feel closer to them.”

Sally Fae, a sex worker and veteran of the comedy scene, gave some advice to those looking to get into stand-up. “You really just have to put yourself out there and not care what other people might think. You are going to get judged, but women are judged constantly whether they are on stage or not.”

Many sex workers are initially apprehensive to enter stand-up, often worried about what their friends or family may think. Sally Fae had this to say on the subject: “Yeah when my parents found out I was doing comedy, I was a bit ashamed. I was worried they would say, ‘didn’t we raise you right, I can’t believe you’re just baring all for the world to hear.’ But thankfully, they’ve accepted me and my choices, they see how much it has helped my confidence. People pay to hear me talk, and that’s empowering, even if they get an intimate show of my deepest thoughts.”

Only time will tell if sex workers will continue to invade the comedy scene, but we do not recommend forming a parasocial relationship with your comedians, even if they make you laugh, that doesn’t necessarily mean they want to fuck you.

It is not uncommon for women to receive aggressive, belittling, and inappropriate messages from men. Some communications seem more harmless, e.g. “I love your cleavage I wish you were mine.” Others are soaked in sexual violence, “If I ever saw you irl I wouldn’t be able to control myself.” And a few are just perplexing, “Did you know that women can’t be chemical engineers because their hormonal ovaries produce pheromones that interfere in the alchemical process?” These types of messages are rooted in the internalized misogyny of our society, which is currently being fueled by what some have termed, “the Manophsere.”

“The Manosphere” is a loose collection of different influencers, content creators, websites, blogs, and forums advocating for traditional masculinity. It comes as a response to feminism, and a petulant plea for a return to a completely patriarchal society. The Manosphere has risen in popularity, primarily amongst teenage boys who interpret being cool as having a fancy car, wearing a suit with sunglasses, and bullying minorities. The men who view this as success do not possess the critical thinking or media literacy to watch Theroux’s documentary as the scathing exposé that it is. They leave thinking the movie’s display of toxic masculinity is an explanation rather than a critique.

On X (formerly Twitter), user Evie posted screenshots of direct messages she received from a man stating, “would love to have a go at you,” “are you available to meet and smash,” “are you getting these? i want to have sex with you!” The unreplied messages show the man’s profile picture with his presumed wife (assuming a woman would marry such a man). A commenter tried to dissuade the Evie from her repulsion and stated,

This man’s response, completely out of touch, lacking intro- and extrospection, and delivered with such sincerity he believed would change the woman’s mind is almost endearing. Almost. We are left wondering if this man saw Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient Truth” and came away thinking that the Earth’s reliance on fossil fuels necessitated increased production. Whatever Manosphere this man is living in, we certainly know it’s completely disconnected from anything we could ever imagine.